A woman, who remains anonymous and refers to herself as “Embarrassed at the Table,” has raised concerns about her friend’s table manners in a recent letter to advice columnist Annie Lane. The letter details her friendship with a woman named Amy, who has exhibited poor dining etiquette during their outings.
The two have known each other for approximately 15 years but began reconnecting about two years ago, attending various social events together, from casual gatherings to more formal dinners. Both women are in their late 40s, and while Amy is a single mother of three nearly adult children, her friend struggles with the social repercussions of her table manners.
In her letter, the writer describes an incident during a casual cookout where Amy displayed poor etiquette, such as talking with food in her mouth, resting her elbows on the table, and failing to return condiments to the center for shared access. These behaviors reportedly prompted some guests to relocate to another table. The writer expresses embarrassment for her friend and notes that despite Amy‘s education and upbringing in a midsize city, these social norms seem to elude her.
The writer seeks advice on how to address the situation without offending Amy. She mentions having made subtle suggestions, which have not had the desired effect. As they both have an interest in dating, the writer fears that Amy‘s table manners might hinder her chances with potential partners.
In her response, Annie Lane emphasized the importance of tact alongside etiquette. She advised the writer to consider scaling back their social engagements to more casual settings, especially when dining out. If a situation arises that requires more formal behavior, the writer should assess whether Amy is suitable for that type of gathering before extending an invitation.
Lane pointed out that if Amy directly seeks advice on dating or personal conduct, that would provide a more appropriate opportunity for a candid discussion about her manners. The writer’s daughter suggests that Amy might be unaware of her social missteps, a notion Lane supports. Ultimately, the columnist concluded that change can only occur if Amy expresses a desire for it.
In a separate letter, a reader named “Miss My Mom” shared a poignant reflection on a missed opportunity to be with her mother during her final moments. She expressed regret over prioritizing holiday activities over her mother’s health. The reader emphasized the importance of honesty in relationships, particularly regarding health issues, and noted the lasting impact of her experience.
Through these letters, Annie Lane continues to advocate for open communication in friendships and family dynamics, reminding readers that while maintaining social decorum is vital, so too is the need for genuine connections.
